Tagged: respect

Your Grandmother Was Right, but I’d Rather Be Heard: Why Email Should Be Banned

My mother use to say often “patience is a virtue, possess it if you can, but it’s found seldom in a woman, and never in a man.” Whether that’s true for all men or not, I don’t know, but personally, I consider myself one of the most impatient people I know. In fact, if you find that hard to believe, just ask my bride. As of late, I feel as if God has designs on putting on a clinic in how to remain patient.

As of the end of August, I’ve assumed the position as president in our group of companies, which has me working much closer with many of our team members. Admittedly, my highest and best strength isn’t managing people, nor the day-to-day of a business, however, as a 20-year entrepreneur, it comes with the territory. As we’ve continued to make adjustments, many of our team members have inherited additional responsibilities, that are laborious, taxing, and in many ways exposing to our vulnerabilities as an organization.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve made it a point to get in front of our entire team, to communicate how the company is maneuvering through the market challenges, but primarily in an attempt to get back to the basics of business, and our core values. “Simple” things like what it means to work as a team, how to effectively communicate, what accountability looks like, and why transparency is so important. I’m doing everything I can to quickly eliminate any secrecy, and silos that exist in the organization, all while simultaneously attempting to open the books, in a healthy and structured way, so that everyone in the organization can begin to understand what makes for a healthy business. I know right.

For the most part, I believe I’m being well received, or at least I’m being told as much. However, the biggest challenge of all; bringing people together. We have a ton of talent, but let’s face it; people don’t like change in general, and especially when it calls into question our quality of work, contributions, etc. No one likes their cheese moved, especially when it’s covering a hole in the floor.

Last night, I received an email, and not the kind anyone likes to get, but particularly right before you go to bed. I wrote two responses last night, and then another this morning, and sent none of them. In fact, deleted all three. Then I spent a few minutes looking up a number of articles about email etiquette, but then decided that instead, I’d respond in a different way; by providing my own list of email do’s and don’ts, so in the spirit of us all growing together, here we go.

Dan’s 3-Point Guide to Email Etiquette

  1. Use email to exchange information only – it’s not a medium for communication
  2. Don’t email anyone when you’re angry or frustrated – see point #1
  3. Words have meaning, people have feelings – see point #1 and #2

Just because letters arranged in a particular order make up words, it doesn’t mean that the arrangement of those words make up the intended meaning. Being that I’m now so close to my tribe, I feel incredibly challenged, and also very humbled. Reminded that no matter how talented a person, skilled or experienced, what’s most important is how we treat others. For the most part, that is measured by how we speak to or about others. Hard to do, but even harder to do consistently.

Passion can be disguised as arrogance. Arrogance can be disguised as courage. Courage can be disguised as insecurity. However, Kindness needs no disguise, as it has no enemies. – dlh

#humble #kind #hungry

The Kids are Alright

Two and a half years ago, my divorce was final.  After more than 12 hours of mediation, we had a settlement.  Very simply, she got everything we had that wasn’t levered, the kids, and I got all the debt, and a 2 hour drive one way anytime I wanted to see my kids.  At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing, by buying her a house, not insisting on her and the kids coming back to Houston, etc.  I was the one who had been unfaithful, so I “deserved” to be left with nothing but debt, and limited access to my kids, right?  Since my divorce, I avoided bankruptcy, met an incredible woman, remarried, found peace, and in the process, discovered that I’m an incredible man, father, and friend.  Most recently though, I decided to start fighting for my children.

kysonsariah

Today, we are in court again.  This makes the second time since we were divorced, and of course, over money and kids.  It’s sad that two parents can’t compromise in order to avoid court intervention, but when two people truly believe that they are acting in the best interest of the child, it makes things quite difficult.  I keep telling myself that to make it easier to process.  It sucks.

Often, I want to sit down at my computer and write a blog that makes me look like a hero and my ex the villian, but honestly it would be a lie.  I hurt her, she hurt me, we couldn’t reconcile, we got divorced, and now we have two incredible kids in the middle of what has always been a challenged relationship.  Both of us are trying like hell to bring up our kids in a way that mitigates the deficiencies of our past and previous experiences.  I constantly remind myself that the kids are alright.

So many times, children are the only victims of divorce, and with tears in my eyes and a heavy heart, I say to you, all who will listen, my kids will not become victims.  We will surround them with lots of love, respect, and SHOW them how to forgive, demonstrate grace, even when it is not reciprocated.  Yes, I get angry, and frustrated, but when I see their sweet faces, full of innocence and curiousity, I want to be the man they need me to be.

For those of you from broken homes, I want to challenge you with a thought.  The only difference between broken homes and blended homes is love, and remember, the kids are alright.